Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Unconventional Marriage - Conventional Daughter
Throughout my life it seems I've either been taken care of, or have taken care of someone else. My long ago retired and widowed Mother is now all alone. Alone and a little frail with some health issues, but she's still sharp and witty as she ever was and she cooks, cleans and goes through the usual daily household grind.
My nurturing gene is strong. It gets stronger as I get older. Since my youngest child entered teendom, I've been dreading the time that she'd be ready to go out on her own. That time will soon be here. And through the unfortunate death of my sister on Thanksgiving, who also took care of our Mother, I feel it's my time to move in and take care of her.
This leaves my husband and teen daughter 90 miles away, which I admit is unsettling. The 'away from my daughter' part. She's in her last year of high school and wasn't thrilled about the option of moving in with her Nana and I didn't force it. My husband and I have always maintained an unconventional union, so a long distance marriage is certainly doable. And he really is a hell of a father. So I'm having some trepidation about being away from Skyler.
Many people my age are faced with tough decisions about their elderly parents. For some of them, it's the right thing to do to put their father or mother in a good nursing home, particularly if they require medical attention. Some are fortunate to have a sibling that can care for them so the parent moves in with the child and the child now becomes the caretaker. The traditional role of parent/child is often blurred. Some will hire a sitter or home health care nurse to come in to care for them there in their comfort zone of their own surroundings. It's never an easy decision to make, and many times life events make that decision for us.
For now moving in with my dear Mother feels like the right thing to do. One day my daughter may also comfort me in my twilight years.
Throughout my life it seems I've either been taken care of, or have taken care of someone else. My long ago retired and widowed Mother is now all alone. Alone and a little frail with some health issues, but she's still sharp and witty as she ever was and she cooks, cleans and goes through the usual daily household grind.
My nurturing gene is strong. It gets stronger as I get older. Since my youngest child entered teendom, I've been dreading the time that she'd be ready to go out on her own. That time will soon be here. And through the unfortunate death of my sister on Thanksgiving, who also took care of our Mother, I feel it's my time to move in and take care of her.
This leaves my husband and teen daughter 90 miles away, which I admit is unsettling. The 'away from my daughter' part. She's in her last year of high school and wasn't thrilled about the option of moving in with her Nana and I didn't force it. My husband and I have always maintained an unconventional union, so a long distance marriage is certainly doable. And he really is a hell of a father. So I'm having some trepidation about being away from Skyler.
Many people my age are faced with tough decisions about their elderly parents. For some of them, it's the right thing to do to put their father or mother in a good nursing home, particularly if they require medical attention. Some are fortunate to have a sibling that can care for them so the parent moves in with the child and the child now becomes the caretaker. The traditional role of parent/child is often blurred. Some will hire a sitter or home health care nurse to come in to care for them there in their comfort zone of their own surroundings. It's never an easy decision to make, and many times life events make that decision for us.
For now moving in with my dear Mother feels like the right thing to do. One day my daughter may also comfort me in my twilight years.
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